I use a Moonman/Majohn A2 with De Atrementis Document Black at work daily, so you may want to take my advice with a grain of salt. That being said, I love (!) push-retractable fountain pens for any setting where you write with them at least twice a week so the ink doesn’t dry out. I believe there is close to no buyer’s remorse among those who splurged on a Pilot Vanishing Point pen, and I’ll extend that recommendation to Moonman’s really excellent knock-offs.

As for ever-ready, on-the-go ballpoint pens, a metal body Parker Jotter filled with a 1mm Schmidt easyFLOW 9000 is my conference bag staple for quick, short notes.

Among friends and family who aren’t into fountain pens, I’ve heard lots of praise for the Caran d’Ache 849 ballpoint pen, too.

Is there an SCP for this?

Ham, cheese, and mayo it is.

I’ll raise you some mozzarella.

What about potato salad, noodle salad and similar dishes containing cooked components?

Tuna and mayo it is.

It gets much easier once you factor in that you, yourself, aren’t static and constant. The task isn’t to find someone capable of becoming perfect for you, it’s finding someone whose compatibility and willingness when taken into account with your own offers a fair chance to grow into a symbiotic relationship.