Title says it all
A duck walks into a bar wearing one shoe. The bartender says “hey buddy, you lost a shoe” and the duck says “nah, I found one!”
Okay, now that’s good.
I asked my North Korean friend how things are back at home.
He said he can’t complain.
An underage weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says “sorry, I can’t serve you alcohol, you’re too young”. The weasel replies that’s ok, I’ll drink something else. The bartender says “well I have water, soda pop, and cranberry juice, what’ll it be?”
“Pop!” goes the weasel
- What’s brown and sticky?
- A stick
What’s brown and rymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from balls
What do you call an elephant that can only be accessed remotely?
Telephant
Yes, I’m a dad, how did you know?
The dumbest joke I know is a knock knock Joke and goes like this. You first have to make the person you’re telling the joke to start saying “knock knock”, then you you say, “who’s there?”.
Proceed to watch the other person confused about what to do next 😅
Usually, the most effective way is to say, “Wanna hear a knock knock joke?”
“Sure!”
“Okay, you start.”
Has about a 90% success rate.
Two fish in a tank.
One turned to the other and asked; “How do we drive this thing?”
Him: Hey, when you’re out camping, do you enjoy it when you wake up in the morning and water vapor condensers on your lenses?
Me: DEW EYE?!?
Why did the farmer win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Extremely nerdy:
- I accidentally gave a guy a BLJ instead of a BJ and he got launched up the fucking stairs
Slightly less nerdy:
- Hey did you hear about the guy who dipped his testicles in glitter? It’s a Pretty Nuts Story!
Why can’t a dog dance?
Because it has two left feet.
Heh. Popsickle.
Never break more than one rule at a time. Example: don’t drive drunk if you’re black.