I’m in my late 20s. In the last years, I’ve moved a few times and tried out a bunch of things. And discovered I have a hard time getting close to people.
I used to think I just need to go out more. But I found out that most people I meet just don’t seem to “fit” with me.
Let’s say I meet some interesting people, who are funny, smart and have shared interests with me. We make a bit of small talk, hang out, and then I go home exhausted, feeling like I just came out of a work meeting that should have been an email. And given from how they rarely invite me back, I guess the feeling is mutual.
Someone told me I am quite cold towards people I don’t know well. Part of that might be that my usual way of talking is a bit emotionless. Another part could be a consequence of me basically going through the script in my head. “How is work these days? Cool. Yeah, me too. Yup.” I don’t want to be this way. But I also don’t want to go into full sales presentation mode, because that feels really wrong.
I used to think I would just become misanthropic. But there are people where I just click with. Talking to them is not a chore, but something I look forward to. And they seem to enjoy my company as well. Some events seem to have a lot more of “my people”, some less.
If you read my rambling until here, thanks. I genuinely don’t know any more. Am I becoming the old sod sitting on his porch yelling at kids? Or am I just spending time on the wrong people? Have you experienced something similar? And how could I change this?
An important bit of information that’s missing here is what kind of culture are you in/from on the coconuts/peaches scale?
(Coconuts - hard to get to know initially but very warm once that hurdle is overcome. Peaches - warm to everyone but very difficult to get truly close to. Finland vs. USA, for example)
this is such a cool concept ty!
where did you hear about it?
It is a cool concept. Nice way to think about it. Although, I would say some cultures just have more distance, even between close friends.
That sounds like you’ve only experienced a peaches culture. It can be tough.
I think I’ve seen both. The US is definitely more on the peach side, and northern Europe is definitely more coconut. But I feel like some regions just have a… standard? norm? of more or less close relationships.
I’ve known about it for too long to say, I’m afraid!