LostAndSmelly

Yes, that appears to be a spider.

I tend to hyperfixate. Every mistake I make or goal I don’t immediately achieve can become a weapon I use against myself. I have spent hundreds of hours in therapy. Meditation can help but it is really hard for me to get started.

I injured my knee a few years ago and after trying arnica and a bunch of other drugs to manage the inflammation the PA told me to try smoking weed. Within a week the inflammation was under control and I discovered meditation was MUCH easier for me after smoking.

Now I know when I start to beat myself up I use my vape pen. Two puffs and 25 minutes later I will be able to slow down and mindfully check in with myself.

I start with some breathing. First slow breathes, then even breaths, then box breaths. After breathing I do a body scan, I start at my toes and work my way to my face. Then I feed my thought to a candle for a bit and imagine watching them turn into smoke.

Within half an hour the vape pen will be wearing off and I won’t be able to stay in that state but I will be a lot nicer to my self and my family. Over the last 6 months I have lost 25 lbs and put together a new plan to find a new career, I am a few weeks away from my first certification since 2008 and have set up a new resume. I am making plans for the future and genuinely optimistic about my own life.

Pot and meditation have done what endless therapy and fists full of medications could not. I am in control of my own thoughts and feelings. I am able to make plans and follow through with plans that spawn months. I am in control of what and when I eat and sleep. I am a normal ass adult with responsibilities I actually attended to.

I started smoking pot.

I got a Microsoft Surface earlier this year. I have had phones and tablets with pens before but none were very satisfying to use and I have had laptops for decades at this point. This is the thinnest and lightest laptop as well as the best tablet I have ever used.

I no longer carry a paper notebook with me because I always have my surface. I have needed One Note for a very long time but didn’t realize it. having access to all of my notes and being able to carry all of them without having to find the right notebook as been huge.

I usually by the house brand of anything the first time I buy anything. Cooking ingredients, household chemicals, drugs, tools, and anything else you can think of. I have found a number of places where saving money is not worth it, the difference between organic tomatoes and the conventional ones is huge for example but if you don’t care about tomatoes you may be fine with the cheap ones.

There are a few things I will spend good money on first time through. Basically anything I am not going to have a chance to replace if I don’t like it. I had to replace the floors in a few rooms in my house. When we first moved in and could not afford nice carpet. It took 10 years to wear out the carpet and for us to have enough to replace it. If I had to do it again I would have stuck with the original longer to save a bit more and put in better flooring.

There was a guy I used to see in traffic who used to play trumpet as he drove. It’s been more than 20 years since I saw him and I still think about it from time to time.

I have a gaming PC I use a lot and I have a Microsoft Surface Pro. I take my Surface everywhere and use it for everything when I am not at home. I also have an office and at the office I use a dock for my Surface. I use my phone when the job is small enough that I expect to be able to do that work in less time that it would take me to get out my Surface.

I take a lot of notes with the surface, even when working at my desk. I can draw a lot of the problems at work better than I can describe them with words and since getting the surface I have hardly touched my waycom. Being able to see my drawings on the surface while I draw is super useful.

I am in IT and I feel like I speak for the industry we don’t care. Some of my customers have regulators who make arbitrary and capricious decisions with a minimal understanding of infosec but we have to keep the customer compliant.

This is the entire premise of No Man’s Sky.

Show up. Ask them to come when you do things. No matter what they are asking you to do you show up. Make room for them in your life too, every time you have room in your car let them know it would be great if they filled that seat. After enough time spent together you will have a much better grasp of what invitations mean something to them. You will also figure out when you actually want to be alone and when you would like to have company.